PTSD: Forgiveness as Wholeness
By Chaplain Scott Jimenez, MDiv, DMin, BCC
“We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer. “ —Dietrich Bonhoeffer
When someone drinks or uses drugs to forget, it is usually because something was so traumatic that the memories became intrusive. Often this boils down to things they have seen, things they have done, or things they have failed to do. This response often means they feel guilty about something. To be fair, we all do or have done things we feel guilty about. Guilt is a universal emotion.
Oftentimes the way forward is to go backward, to convince ourselves that what we did had to be done. A prime example of this guilt can be found in taking a life. Taking a life goes against our very nature. And so it should, thank God. There are heavy consequences to taking a life. And yet, there are some situations, like combat, that call for this. So, if we go against our human nature, is it any wonder we feel guilty?
Please note that I am not speaking about the rightness or wrongness of the action, but about the feelings engendered. There are often times when the taking of life is substantiated. But, the reality is that there is a cost. The cost is often guilt.
Sometimes, what has been done can lead to shame. The difference between guilt and shame is mainly one of acting or having been acted against: in guilt, one is acting, “I have done wrong” (deed); in shame, one is being acted upon, “I am wrong” (core identity). Many veterans feel both shame and guilt.
There are instances when it is not about taking a life, but about destroying someone’s humanity. To refuse someone their humanity, like desecrating a body, may often be done in a fit of rage, a ‘berserker’ moment. The realization of what has been done may have a cost. The cost may be to our moral view of self, to our moral center, moving beyond guilt to shame.
Both guilt and shame require forgiveness. Often when we speak of forgiveness, we refer to forgiveness of others. While this is important, another aspect of forgiveness (often overlooked) is that of forgiving God. While purists would state that God can’t be forgiven because He doesn’t sin, I would respond that we are dealing with the sufferer’s perception of reality. A person’s perception of reality is the reality for that person. So I work within that reality.
Someone may get angry and blame God for allowing or causing an event. While not theologically palatable, it is a practical reality. My thought is that if God gave us our emotions honestly, He wants to receive them back honestly. Just admitting that we are mad at God is a way to lessen that anger and move past it. I point out that while veterans have a right to be angry, they also have a right to have peace. But, they can’t have both. Which one are they ready to give up? Which one is more important to them?
For some, the harder part of forgiveness is to forgive themselves. Any time someone thinks that God cannot forgive them for what they have done, the result can be devastating. This is often the result of shame, which is a pain beyond guilt. While I will not go into detail about what was done, I will say, one Veteran suffered guilt, violated and injured his moral center and incurred shame, and rationalized that he deserved the pain as penance for what he had done. In some way, the pain was part of him and how he saw himself.
This Veteran said, “Even if God could forgive me, I can’t forgive myself.”
I told him, “Your God is too small. You’ve put Him in a box. It’s time to open the box.”
I shared with Him Scripture verses that spoke about God’s power as well as His love for us and desire to forgive us if we repent of our sins. The Veteran, after much praying, came to the point where he realized he had God in a box and was ready to let Him out.
Often, I remind my Veterans of the Scripture passage found in Luke 4:18-21, where Jesus begins to read from the scroll of Isaiah: “‘The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.’ And he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant, and sat down. The eyes of all in the synagogue were fixed on him. Then he began to say to them, ‘Today this scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing.’”
One thing many people do not realize is that they are often in a prison of their own making and they are their own jailers. God has already set them free, if they would just let Him. When they see the reality and consequences of their thinking, many can then change their thought processes. With others, it takes much prayer.
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